PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
