we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
