Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize