If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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