I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you had me at cake vodka
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
