So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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