why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
