i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
