Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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