how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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