I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize