wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
