Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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