I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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