we're chasing vodka with high fives
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
