I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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