just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
