I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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