I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
