Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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