I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
