Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
