chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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