I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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