Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
