your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
