By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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