you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
