Don't you send me to vm
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
