you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
