Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
