And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
