he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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