Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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