Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
