Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
