Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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