My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
