I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
