Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
pop tarts are not kleenex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
