2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
