i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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