I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
