I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
