this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
