You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
