no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
