when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
soo... how was my night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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