1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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