turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
