Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i came on her dog
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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