Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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