I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
