It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
