fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im part way to drunk.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
