eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
