He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
