I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
