It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
