I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize