I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A+ Viking dick
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