I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
