I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
