i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
