ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
