Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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