he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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