my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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