If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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