I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
