Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
