i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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