i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
