ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
