is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
