i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
