you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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