i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
