You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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