i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
