We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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