If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just pee around me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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